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December 16, 2009

I moved to Indio last month, some extra 20 miles away from my job – and from Los Angeles. It was hard at first: I would linger at work, bullshit at Starbucks and finally go home around 9PM. It’s hard to admit that I hate being alone, but by now most of the people that know and love me already know that – so why kid anyone? But after I situated my room (I live in a small casita, attached to a house, but virtually on my own) and started to look at the prospects of being happy or miserable, it was easier being home… hell, I even like it now. I’ve been able to balance who I spend how much time with with how much time I spend alone. I’m able to focus on feeling better alone, confident in the decisions I’ve made, and hopefully turn that into a real plan to move to LA and act.

But here I am again, talking about what I want. A common aspect in my life is starting things and not finishing them. I start books, finish them only halfway; I have boatloads of poems (and short stories, two novels) that are around here somewhere; if you could see the drafts of blogs I’ve started… In the last year this has become apparent to me, and of course explains why I haven’t pursued acting to the degree I have wanted to. But I feel that I’ve been more honest to myself and others about my lack of motivation and I really think I can do something about it. I can’t act like a 15 year old anymore and I can’t get stuck at 27 either.

I’ve rediscovered photography and trotted my camera down to the carnival two weeks ago and got some pretty good shots. I’m just waiting to finish this roll so I can actually see my work. But this all started when I found 13 rolls of shot film two months ago, all waiting to be processed (see above), so it’ll be awhile before I see something developed.

There are plenty of blogs and poems in the works and I work on one or the other pretty much everyday – a line here, an update there. I have a month or so off from tutoring and I’m looking forward to that time to myself and my work.

(Oh, and I also rediscovered Outkast with Stankonia. Damn, why did I sleep on this?)

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 16, 2009 3:01 PM

    Never give up on your dreams.

  2. December 22, 2009 8:54 AM

    I can’t wait to see what’s next for you, especially poetry wise

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